VICTORY! TRIUMPH! HANDSOMENESS!
Greetings, mortals! Loki, here. I am delighted but hardly surprised that my stupendous diary has been shortlisted for an award. Apparently it is voted for by mortal children, who are clearly the most insightful and wise group of Midgardians. In fact, it’s the ONLY national award voted for by mortal children, which is an outrage. If children are wise enough to vote for me then they should be given votes in every competition – and in every mortal election too! I feel sure that they would elect far wiser leaders than the current assemblage of nincompoops.
One thing I am often asked is why is my hair so fabulous. Another thing I am asked is why I am so handsome and talented. But, apart from those frequently asked questions, mortals often request knowledge of my future exploits, also known as a thirst for the mortal concept which is known as “spoilers”.
SPOILERS: Just as Odin seeks knowledge of the future, some mortals thirst for knowledge of the future of stories. These are known as spoilers. Other mortals fear them. They are clearly a powerful thing, whether good or bad.
I often like to tell Thor the end of stories, because he hates spoilers. But, if I shout loud enough, I can ensure he hears these spoilers, even when he has his fingers in his ears.
So…what spoilers should I tell you, dear mortal readers? Perhaps you would like to know my future virtue score? Or what heroic and handsome adventures I am wont to have in book three? Perhaps you want to know what happens to Thor?
I jest, of course you do not care what happens to Thor. It’s all about me. Moi. Ich. Mij. And perhaps, I will grudgingly accept, Valerie and Georgina.
Well, buckle the seatbelts of your mortal chariots, for you are in for a terrifying ride. My next adventure involves a very handsome god who is not me (gasp! I know! This is shocking! How DARE other gods be handsome?), a school play (in which I am cast as royalty, obv), and a magical ring which once belonged to a dwarf called Andvari (well, it did until I came along…).
I am afraid to report that, in LOKI: A Bad God’s Guide to Ruling the World, things are not looking good for our handsome hero. I must face my greatest challenge yet. And no, it’s not Thor’s farts. It is golden and round and….wait.
I have perhaps said too much. I fear Odin will dock my virtue points for showing mortals things that they are not ready to know. So I will return to the safer topic of how handsome and wonderful I am. I trust that you will vote for me to win this prize. If I do not win, it is clearly fixed and corrupt and beneath my notice. But if I win, I make you this promise: I will not stop rubbing my victory in Thor’s face until the very end of the universe.
Find out more at https://lokibooks.com/
Mister Bodd 